Returning

I am writing these first lines from the airport in Sydney. Destination London, via Singapore. The day: 2nd September 2011, about 1pm.

Over the last few days the excitement of our upcoming trip has gained momentum, manifesting itself in a myriad of emotions, ranging from stress (to get everything done at work etc before leaving), excitement to see all the people and the places that we love so much, apprehension (for not knowing how we will feel about being back), delight at the thought of all the fun things that we have planned, a twinge of fear (of not feeling 'at home' in a city that was very much our home for a long time) and just pure plain holiday happiness.

I have always believed that London is a city that forgets, and now I am about to see how it has forgotten me.

It feels like the right time to go back. Building a new life in Sydney was not a walk in the park, and I would be laying if I said that the beginning wasn't tough. Starting again felt like a mammoth task, and we just missed our friends, our city. At the beginning it just felt like I could not be arsed.

However, in many ways that was a process that we had to go through. In many ways now Sydney feels like London did back in the early 00's: new, puzzling, full of possibilities, exciting and just right for the stage we are in our lives.

I recall very clearly that it took me 3 years to feel part of London. I remember a day when I was walking down Glocester Road towards Hyde Park and I suddenly thought that I felt like I knew this city, like it had let me into her secret. It was like an epiphany.I was walking by a little church on Gloucester Rd that will always remind me of that moment, the spring breeze on my face, the brightness of an early summer sun, the traffic noise almost disappearing for a microsecond. It was one of the most important instants of my life, that specific instant, because that feeling of 'belonging' served as the basis to defining myself over the coming years.

In moments that I did not know where to go, or when I felt lost, in the many moments I would doubt myself,  I still felt London protecting me, accepting me for my flows and insecurities. I felt like I knew the rules of the game and I could play pretty well. 

I am no fool and I know that that feeling towards Sydney is yet to fully manifest itself. In many ways, after 8 months, we have just began. God knows I can hardly pronounce many of the suburbs' names.

However, if I look back at the Piero and David that landed here last December and the people we are now, and our lives, the difference is astounding, We have definitely embarked on a life's great adventure, started a new story that we are excited about and want to see through. We have been given the gift of reinvention and discovery. Personally I feel like I have also started a process of 'consolidation'. By this I mean that I have never felt so comfortable in my own skin, and calm inside.

I have recently stopped to think how fortunate our generation is, for (compared to many of our parents) we can lead completely inorganic lives. Rather than being born and organically grow within the same environment/conditions, we have been able to start new chapters, new destinies, in our case on the opposite sides of the world. And what is life as a great exercise of exploration (both internal and external), of challenging ourselves on what we can be, what we can become.

So yes, it feels like the right time to go back to London.  To go back and discover how London has forgotten me.